The Whoop-Ass Brigade.
Three powerful words that represent all that is good at the CCK. Three words that mean more to Churchillians than quite possibly anything else. Three words however, that also fuel screams of anger and hate from behind enemy lines, those of the Cresco Liberation Organization. (But we'll discuss those trouble-makers later on. For now, it's back to the topic at hand, the 'Brigade.)
Only the Supreme Chancellor, himself, wields a more powerful staff at the CCK than the 'Brigade. The reason? Someone has to keep the campus in check while the Chancellor is off promoting the school at totalitarian conventions. Who else is more suited do this monstrous duty than the Whoop-Ass Brigade? No one. Had it not been for the Whoop-Ass Brigade and Col. Kenneth Blue's strategic planning, the college may not be what it is today. Were it not for their efforts, the sweeping infestation known as SCAVIES could have rendered the student population totally and utterly useless for an entire undisclosed amount of time.
And had it not been for the 'Brigade's stalking of the wild, the untamed, the mysterious, and ever delirious, mighty ORGANTUIN, an unknown terror could have laid down it's powerful paw and unveil a rash of savagery and destruction never before seen on campus. But thankfully, none of this ever occured. And to who do we thank for this gift of security and protection? Cal "Grizzly" Tucker; who's masterfully planned hunt sent the ORGANTUIN packing back to the woods and out of our hair, that's who!
Vital Statisticks (As compiled by Lionel K. Humphry, Dean of Law & Justice)
To enforce school rules laid out by the Supreme Chancellor. To protect all that is good at the CCK from the forces of darkness (C.L.O.) And to generally, whoop-ass.
"Pleasure Through Pain"
- Have the ability to use matial law whenever they see fit.
- Bribery is considered "a token of appreciation."
- Members who are seen as unfit for service are executed
- Brigadeer's who screw up are forced to give Old Lady Kensington a sponge bath
- Thursday is AA night.
General - Horhe Ramirez
Military Strategist - Col. Kenneth Blue
ORGANTUIN Hunt Co-ordinator - Cal "Grizzly" Tucker
Dispatcher - Kitty Del Ray
Surrogate Mum' - Mummie
Members of the "Pussy Willow Platoon" are chosen when they are 6 months old and are kept in the 'Brigade until the age of 40, or commit a ritual act of suicide.
Consists of Army fatigues, a bandolier, night-vision goggles, one M-16 rifle, and three pairs of Mummie's wool mittens to keep their little fingers warm on those cold winter nights.
Shaun Fitzsimmons Memorial Barracks
- Hunting ORGANTUIN's
- Pulling "rutherfords"
- Binge drinking
- Antleer restoration
- Participating in "no-rope electrified explosive barbed wire time bomb land mine double hell death matches."