In lieu of a write-up, I've decided to share a list of things I've learned over the years. You too may learn these if you take any courses offered in the Tourism & Hospitality Department. Wash your hands before preparing a meal. Supper is spelled with 2 "p's", not one. When someone asks you to cut the cheese, there's a good chance they really do want you to cut the cheese. Garlic breath is good if you're trying to slay vampires. It's not good on a dinner date. When a recipe calls for a "generous amount of whiskey", it does not mean for you to get tanked. Making eye contact on a dinner date is good. Staring at someone for 5 minnutes straight is not good. When a label says "do not eat", it doesn't mean the manufacturers don't think you're "man" enough to try it. Yorkshire pudding is not really pudding and you can't eat it with a spoon. Chop sticks do not double as drumsticks. A "screwdriver" is a drink, not a wrestling hold. A bib is a good idea for your baby, not a good idea for you. When someone says "dig in", they don't mean to pretend that you're at home and to go at your meal with reckless abandonment. "All you can eat", does not mean you hitch the U-haul up to the 'Corsica and fill 'er up with food. A "bottomless cup of coffee" is only bottomless if you have any resemblance of an adult. Time limit signs in restaurants serve no purpose other than to act as something to bitch at when your dying conversation is in serious need of revival. If something smells bad, throw it out. Don't assume it's one of those new hip organic foods. It's O.K. to serve food a couple days after the "best before" date. It's not O.K. to serve the same clam chowder on Easter as you did on Christmas Eve. A "family chocolate bar" is only a "family chocolate bar" if you consider yourself your mother, father, brother, and sister. A corn stalk is not a hip new thing to do. Some tips if you plan on going down south anytime soon: Pop is "soda." Chocolate bars are "candy bars." "Dinnertime" is "lunchtime." "Supper" is "dinner." And "supper" is "super" with an extra "p." Bon Appetite!