13-time defending champion, 'Junior' MacDonald and his valet, Blueberry Grunt. Hey yo, the Lenmister's back in black. Whooooshk!

Enter my dojo, the unholy house of pain for an aspiring young grappler as yourself. Feel the grind as I whip you like a jockey to his moose. Fear me, my young suitor, as I test you in a battle to the death. Who'll be crowned champion and be given the bragging rights to "CCK Churchill Campus Professional Thumb Wrestling Champion, 1999." An honor, which I can proudly say, is like no other.

But before you are crowned soverign of the free world, there be a message to learn first. Exercise, exercise, exercise! It cannot be stressed enough. A routine to get accustomened to if success beyond the campus is in your future. Rule 2 is but a stogie longer than that. Respect your thumb. When touched, does he not feel? When tickled, does he not laugh? When pricked, does he not bleed? And when pinned, does he not cry out, "DQ! The bastard's got a gun!"

Ghast! Victory has eluded you!
Back to the the dojo for more pain.
I'm Lenny and you wish you were me.

- Lenny Horowitz