The mighty moose. Many have tried to tame them. Many have failed. Some may tell you that the moose is an animal of the wilderness. Some may say that the days of riding around on animals is past. But to that I say "scroat"! The moose t' was an animal of the bogs and to the bogs it would stay if it wasn't for the foresight of I and my pupils. We have single-handedly harnessed the power of the moose for the good of mankind. If I have learned one thing in my eight decades of moose research, it's to stay away from the arse-end of the beasts, for that is where one will contract the dreadful "moose sickness", also known as SCAVIES. The "moose sickness" is caused by a parasitic chigger in the moose that embeds itself in its host's brain -- whether moose or man. Be wary of approaching a moose that is terminally ill with the disease, as the symptoms include loss of fear. You can walk up to a sick moose and touch it, but it can still kick with its front feet! But I digress... The one thing that has always drawn me to the moose is its inate beauty. Wether it be its long legs, massive antlers, or its petite rump, I have always felt a strange attraction to these beasts... Oh, I wish I could just get alone with one of them right now -- oh, baby... Wha! Oh yeah, moose jockeying. Yeah, moose jockeying, yeah, uh, that's what I'm teaching... Yeah. Anyway, if you want to, uh, get up close and personal, uh, no... If you want to have the ride of your life, whoah, that's not right... Well, uh, just, um, yeah, Professor Pearson's Moose Jockeying course -- take it, or it's scroat for you! - Amos Pearson