-- Lionel's note --
Now I know that since you can't read yourself out of a Dr. Seus book someone is obviously dictating this to you. So, listen up.
WELCOME NEOPHYTES TO MY INTRODUCTION
The Linguisticks I instruct is a revolutionary teaching concept combining modern slang with the English, Newfie, and Yiddish languages. While I'm not going to guarantee that you'll be able to skip five or six reading levels, I am going to guarantee that you will be able to spell organtuin backwards (niutnagro) within just days of entering my class.
But I don't let any smart-ass bum enrol into one of my classes! No way. Each semester I carefully scan & select who I am and am not going to allow in my class Therefore, if you want to get in, you've got to take a little test, courtesy of course, of Lionel K. But, because I am such a nice fair and judicious fellow, I'll give you a little preview of what to expect. Look down below.
Have you ever had problems reading the sign to the "gents" room, reading those dirty articles in Daddy's magazines, or trouble forging that birth control prescription? If so, you might be DUMB!!! Or, what those commie bastards at the Lenningrad School of Higher Perestroika Learning might say,"illiterate". Anyhow, if you have found yourself smack-dab in the middle of any of the situations listed below, you might need my help.
Be sure to start off your message with "YO, YO, YO, let me speak on this...."
Professor Lionel K. Humphry