Coach Horowitz enjoys an occasional dip in the pool -- after all, swimming is an excellent aerobic exercise. Hey douche-bags, listen up.

The Len-man has got a few words to get off his Atlas-like sculpted chest. The CCK and myself preach a healthy lifestyle. We don't appreciate retards that come to class thinking there just gonna cruise along and get some easy credits when the course is done and over with. So if you're one of those out of shape cows that have taken a liking to this philosophy over the years, well, the Lenmeister got somethin' to say to all of ya, "Nah-ah!"

That's right! Why? Because I'm gonna take pride in seeing that each and everyone of you stinkin' ass sweathogs make it through. But let this be a warning to each and everyone of you. I abhor sweat hogs and similar hog-like creatures. Don't you dare let me catch you slacking off. Cause if I do, I'll crack ya like an egg!

O.K. Now that we've got an understanding with each other I think we can move along. As I was saying about taking pride. I'm personally going to be there to make sure your extra large size gluteus maximus is whipped into shape. Squats, jumping jacks, running, jogging; whatever it takes, I really could care less. You see, Lenny was hired to do one thing and I'm sure that, by now, we both know what that thing was, don't we!

Lenny Horowitz is not under any circumstance going to put up with garbage. If you enroll yourself into one of my classes, you better damn well expect to do some work! No, I'm not talkin' about lifting your hand to grab the last jelly donut. I'm talking 26 km marathon runs, 85 km bicycling adventures, strenuous land-mine clearance in the hot and humid Egyptian desert, 72 hour postings in the arctic's frozen tundra, and grueling one-on-one grudge matches with the CCK's own badboy, "Crusher" Van Nostrem! That'll teach you discipline.

Right about now your probably askin' yourself "Hey, this guy's no gym teacher. He ain't nothin but a wannabe military officer!" Well guess what Jack, you're right; only thing is I'm no wannabe. No sir, Lenny Horowitz is a retired Sergeant in the CCK's own Whoop-Ass Brigade. That was back when Lenny could scare the you know what out of his privates. So unless you want me to reform back to my old ways, you better remember to attend my classes and work your asses off or run the risk of payin' hard time for your screw up.