Here's one of Seamus and myself working off our 1800 hours of community service (but that's another story). Just de udder day, me an me cousin Seamus were out on de town, and whats do I see but Jolly Olde Saint Nick ridin' around the main drag with two of the prettiest ho's I ever did see! Turns out (after I put on de old correcting lenses) it was just Jolly Jules Armstrong. Dose ho's wit 'im were de real deal, though; thank de lord! So I says to myself, "what in de name of Brian Tobin is Big Daddy doin' out 'ere in what could be termed de arsehole of the province dat's de arsehole of de country?"

So I pondered over dat one for a bit, but seein' as I was too piss-friggin' loaded at de time, I got Seamus to lend old Dickie some assistances. Ya see, me cousin Seamus took me course on bein' a Idiot Savant a few years back, so he's damned good at figurin' out stuff that'd baffle the ordinary buddy. So I says to Seamus, "What in the tunderin' hell is Big Daddy doin' in our neck of de woods?", or somethin' similar. Seamus took no time in replyin', and without a stitch of comprehension, he started beltin' out the fourth refrain from Stars and Stripes Forever. And that's what bein' an idiot savant is all about. Ya see, Seamus learnt how to instantaneuosly take the square roots of complex numbers. I guess that's got jack shit to do with this story, but hell, I thought it was a pretty good story anyways.

Signing off.

Oh jeez bies, I almost forgot: Jules was in Newfieland because some smart-assed mainlander started a rumour that old Dickie here had a stash of 17 kegs of premium white whiskey for use by Spring Flingers -- the damned fool got it all wrong, it was 17 kegs of premium moonshine!

- Dickie Dumphry