CCKP Journalist T.C. Sparling gets his ass whooped by the Crusher Me Crusher say I no like rite!

Too hard with mitens like lobstre claws, but mommy said no take mitens off, for cold I will get. Me Crusher must lisen to mummy, or else I donet no what will she do.

Me Crusher like to smash -- smash good! I be just like suprman, but me no fly... but me crack bones real good! Me like bone crack noys, like noys when fingers snap, only bigger. Me no like noys inside head thogh, too loud! Stop noys! No moer noys! It too loud!

Some think that me Crusher no smart, but no right they are. Me Crusher no that dirt taste no good, and one finger is same as bad, and two owers is same as 4 mister dressups. Me no dumb! No say me Crusher is dumb! ME SMASH YOU GOOD! BAAAAAAA!!

-- At this point, "Crusher" Van Nostrem had to be sedated with a tranquilizer dart, and returned to his high-security electrified-fence-surrounded enclosure on the back of a flatbed truck.
- Dr. Ken, Dean of Medicine