I am the SUPREME CHANCELLOR, how may I help you?

I was once told many years ago that I didn't operate a school. I was told I operated nothing more than a 24 hour acid trip sleigh ride through the snow. A school for degenerates and run by degenerates. A place where one can live out their most private fantasies of gaining employment in the most sleazy, dirty, slimy, crazy and idiotic occupations known to man.

I spent many a day locked up in my moosehead-shaped igloo pondering this very same question. At first I took great offense to these remarks but I eventually came around to the fact that that very same man was without a shadow of a doubt, 100% absolutely correct! The Cresco College of Kurtivity is exactly that and more!

Our dedicated staff works tremendously long hours to fullfill the dreams of these horrenderously deprived people, our students. Through nothing but sheer will power and half assed efforts, these leaders of tommorow successfully complete their tenure at the CCK and go onto maintain prosperous jobs in the workforce.

Upon completion of their studies at the end of the school year, myself and the rest of the faculty take much pride and pleasure in honoring these students at the convocation ceremonies. It is here at the ceremony where we reintroduce our students to the rest of society. And it is here where the real test begins.

Without even thinking, your life has been in one way or another sculpted by the idiologies set out and taught at the CCK. All aspects of everyday living are in some way or another affected by the performance of our students. Whether it be the professional thumb wrestling match you attended last night, the schoolyard bully who beat up your child and stole his lunch money, or the famous celebrity stalker who walked into your (yeah right, YOU FAMOUS, I don't think so!) living room with a bucket of chicken in his hand and offered to wash your back for some sweet sugar, it doesn't really matter. There is no escaping the wrath of the CCK!

Congratulations past, present, and future alumni.

I look forward to ushering in a new breed of CCK students.